Hoda Kotb’s Candid Confession: The Moment She Realized Her Engagement Was Over

In a raw and emotional moment that left audiences stunned, Hoda Kotb, the beloved NBC News star and former Today Show co-anchor, opened up about the heartbreaking moment she realized that her relationship with fiancé Joel Schiffman was no longer working. During an interview on The Drew Barrymore Show in September 2025, Kotb revealed that the end of her engagement, which had seemed so promising to the public, was not triggered by a single dramatic event. Instead, it was the accumulation of small moments—those seemingly insignificant exchanges that build up over time—that led her to the painful but necessary decision.

At 61 years old, Kotb’s candidness about her relationship breakdown is both heartbreaking and deeply relatable, especially for those navigating the complexities of midlife transitions. Her voice soft, yet filled with resolve, Kotb shared how the decision to part ways with Schiffman, whom she had been engaged to for several years, wasn’t sparked by malice or a major fight. Rather, it was the realization that something vital was missing in their connection—emotional intimacy.

“I realized he had never asked me if I was truly happy,” she shared, her words landing heavy in the studio. The room fell silent as Kotb’s vulnerability became apparent, and fans watching at home felt the weight of the confession.

A Quiet Epiphany That Changed Everything

Kotb and Schiffman, a financier, had been together for nearly a decade after meeting in 2013. Their engagement, announced in 2019, seemed to reflect the perfect relationship, with Kotb often sharing sweet anecdotes about their life together on Today. The couple had two daughters, Haley (8) and Hope (6), and for many, they seemed like the ideal family. But as Kotb herself admitted, their relationship was far from perfect.

The moment of realization came during a retreat in early 2022. Kotb recalled that the final straw wasn’t a huge fight or dramatic argument—it was a subtle shift in their dynamic that she had overlooked for years. “It wasn’t one big fight,” Kotb said. “It was little things—like Joel never asking, ‘Are you happy?’ Not out of malice, but because we were sprinting through life.” This absence of care and concern made Kotb realize their disconnect. “I loved him deeply, and I still do, but I needed someone who’d pause to see me,” she explained, adding that this realization was a key factor in her decision to end the relationship.

An Emotional Goodbye and the Start of a New Era

The breakup, which Kotb announced in early 2022, left many of her fans heartbroken, especially after seeing her so often speak fondly of Schiffman on television. Her honesty during this interview is a reminder that even those who appear to have it all on the outside can face deeply personal struggles that they, too, must confront.

Though there was no public drama surrounding their split, Kotb’s decision was rooted in a deep sense of self-awareness. She shared with Drew Barrymore, “I wanted to fill other buckets—my joy, my purpose. Joel’s a great dad, but he wasn’t my forever.” This powerful statement not only shed light on her decision to leave but also opened up a broader conversation about the importance of self-care, emotional intimacy, and personal fulfillment, especially when balancing career, family, and personal happiness.

After the split, Kotb and Schiffman have maintained a cordial co-parenting relationship, putting their daughters first. Kotb has since shared heartwarming moments of their life, including backyard barbecues and family activities, painting a picture of a positive, functional dynamic despite the breakup. This continued partnership for the sake of their children, despite their romantic split, shows Kotb’s maturity and commitment to raising her children in a loving, stable environment.

A New Chapter: Embracing the ‘Begin Again’ Era

In 2025, Kotb entered what she’s referred to as her “begin again” era. Having left Today earlier that year to focus on her wellness app and second memoir, Hope Is a Rainbow, Kotb is embracing a new phase of life. She’s shifting from being a figure who cheered on others to one who leads with authenticity and tough, truthful conversations.

“I used to cheer from the back,” Kotb told Forbes in an interview earlier this year. “Now, I’m learning to lead with tough, truthful talks.” Her recent breakup revelation, one filled with raw emotion and painful honesty, is a testament to this new approach. Kotb has always been a figure of warmth, but her journey of personal growth and self-discovery is now front and center.

The Universal Resonance of Kotb’s Story

Kotb’s honesty about the end of her engagement resonates with many, particularly women going through midlife transitions. Fans took to social media to express their empathy, with one person on X (formerly Twitter) writing, “Hoda’s honesty about Joel is heartbreaking but so real.” Another fan shared, “That silence after she spoke? We all felt it.”

Her story of emotional growth and self-discovery serves as a reminder for all of us that relationships aren’t just about avoiding big fights or staying together for the sake of appearances. Instead, they’re about emotional intimacy, the small gestures that show we care, and the willingness to ask, “Are you happy?”—questions that can make or break a connection.

Kotb’s courage in sharing this personal moment, coupled with her acknowledgment of the need for emotional connection, has sparked a larger conversation about the importance of nurturing one’s own happiness and emotional needs. It’s clear that her decision wasn’t one made lightly, but one rooted in self-love and a commitment to moving forward with grace.

The Power of Vulnerability and Authenticity

In a world where many public figures shy away from revealing their personal struggles, Kotb’s willingness to be vulnerable offers a refreshing contrast. She didn’t simply tell fans about her breakup with Schiffman—she explained why it happened and what it taught her about herself. This honesty has garnered widespread support and admiration from fans, who see Kotb not just as a TV personality but as a real, relatable woman who faces the same challenges as so many others.

“I realized he never asked me if I was happy,” Kotb’s revelation is more than just about her relationship; it’s a poignant reminder for all of us to take stock of our own lives and ask the hard questions. Kotb’s story proves that it’s never too late to make changes in pursuit of happiness, and that sometimes, those small, seemingly insignificant moments can hold the key to understanding our deepest desires and needs.

Looking Ahead: What’s Next for Hoda Kotb?

As Kotb embarks on this new chapter, fans are left wondering what’s next for the former Today anchor. While she has hinted at being open to love again, Kotb is first focused on her personal well-being and continuing her work as an advocate for mental health and self-care.

Her journey of self-discovery, fueled by her breakup with Schiffman, has only just begun. Fans are eager to see what she will do next as she continues to lead by example, offering a roadmap for others to live authentically and pursue their happiness, no matter the obstacles they may face.

In the meantime, Kotb remains dedicated to her role as a single mom, entrepreneur, and advocate, showing that happiness isn’t just about being in a relationship—it’s about being content with who you are and where you’re headed. Through her vulnerability, honesty, and courage, Kotb continues to inspire those who are navigating their own paths to self-fulfillment.

Conclusion: A Lesson in Authenticity and Self-Discovery

Hoda Kotb’s admission about her engagement with Joel Schiffman wasn’t just a breakup story—it was a powerful reminder about the importance of emotional intimacy, self-awareness, and living authentically. Her journey toward healing, growth, and self-love is an inspiring example for everyone. As she continues her “begin again” era, fans can only hope that Kotb’s new chapter will be as fulfilling and impactful as the years that preceded it.