The Hidden Labor Driving Women to Singlehood: Is ‘Mankeeping’ Burning Out a Generation of Partners?

The conversation has gone viral, and the collective sigh of exhausted women is audible across social media platforms. The question, simple yet profound, now hangs heavy in the air: are women investing too much emotional labor in men? The spark that ignited this firestorm? A recent, candid discussion on the popular daytime talk show, The View, which introduced a term that has quickly become the defining concept of modern relationship fatigue: “mankeeping.”

It’s the often-invisible, frequently thankless job of managing the emotional and aesthetic lives of male partners—a constant state of being an uncompensated therapist, a personal assistant, and a full-time Chief of Self-Care. And now, as noted by the panel, some are speculating that this draining, perpetual responsibility is the very reason so many women are opting out of partnership altogether and choosing to embrace singlehood.

For countless women, the moment they heard the word “mankeeping,” they felt a rush of recognition. It’s the realization that their romantic relationship comes with a hidden, second job description. The panelists broke down exactly what this labor entails, confirming that it goes far beyond standard partnership duties. Mankeeping includes, but is not limited to: taking charge of social plans, managing a partner’s stress and shifting moods, and—perhaps most tellingly—ensuring all necessary appointments, from medical checkups to self-care sessions, are booked.

This is emotional labor’s more hands-on, physically demanding cousin. It’s the moment a woman gets home, senses a partner’s sour mood, and instantly pivots into crisis management mode. One panelist, in a moment of raw honesty, described her own coping mechanism: “If I get home and and I see my husband’s like not in a great mood, I’m like ‘Hey can I make a drink for you?’ Because then that makes my night better.” This isn’t just altruism; it’s a form of self-preservation, where a woman manages her partner’s emotions not just for his sake, but to control the atmosphere of her own home. The labor of smoothing out his edges becomes a prerequisite for her own peace.

Interestingly, not all women view this labor as a burden. For one panelist on The View, the control inherent in mankeeping is a feature, not a bug. Embracing the title of “control freak,” she admitted, “I like to be in charge… I rather do that,” referring to managing social plans, moods, and appointments. This perspective shines a light on the complex psychology of the dynamic. For some, the competence of managing a man’s life provides a sense of security, agency, and ensures things are done to a satisfactory standard. But even this choice, however intentional, still confirms the fundamental imbalance: the default expectation is that the woman will be the one to manage.

The Phenomenon of the ‘Glow Up’

The most viral, and perhaps most shocking, part of the discussion centered around the undeniable effect women have on men, which the panel dubbed the “glow up.” According to countless statistics and anecdotal evidence, having a female partner in a man’s life demonstrably improves his overall well-being and appearance. It is a stark admission that men often need a woman’s guidance to present their best selves to the world.

The ultimate example came in the form of a jaw-dropping celebrity anecdote. A panelist recounted sitting at a table at CNN when she saw former New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio on television. Noting his surprisingly better appearance, she blurted out, “I’m so glad he stopped dying his hair that weird color.” In a moment of sheer public mortification, the beautiful woman seated next to her leaned over to confess, “Oh, he’s my boyfriend. But don’t worry, I told him to get it back to his natural hair.”

The resulting silence and embarrassment gave way to a powerful point: “Case in point, women save men from themselves.” The hair, which was described as looking “like green,” required the intervention of a partner to achieve a desirable, natural look. This anecdote instantly transformed the abstract concept of emotional labor into a vivid, universally recognized reality: women are the custodians of men’s self-image.

The responsibility extends deep into the realm of basic grooming and self-care. The discussion moved on to the minor, yet symbolically loaded, tasks that women often take on. “The hair in the ears has to be clipped,” one panelist declared. Another pointed out the astonishing truth that many straight men simply “don’t even moisturize.” This means the mankeeping woman is not only responsible for the bigger, more complex emotional issues but also for purchasing the moisturizer, scheduling the haircuts, and even coordinating more advanced self-care, such as making a laser appointment for unwanted hair. The subtext is clear: for many men, left to their own devices, essential upkeep falls by the wayside, leaving women to clean up the aesthetic and physical aftermath.

The Quest for Nuance and the Well-Kept Man

While the collective nodding from women was palpable, the panel acknowledged that the mankeeping dynamic is not a universal truth. One panelist offered a crucial counterpoint: her husband, Al, defies the generalization. She admitted, “I don’t know what I’m married to because I got to tell you, he’s got many more face creams than I do.” Al, described as a “well-kept man,” is one of the exceptions that proves the rule. While the panel affectionately tried to categorize him—suggesting “metrosexual” before settling on “a very well-kept all man”—the fact remains that the term itself is needed because his level of self-care is seen as an anomaly.

The very need to categorize a man who takes care of himself as “well-kept” underscores the central issue: the expectation for men’s self-care is fundamentally lower than for women’s. Women are taught from a young age that their value is intrinsically linked to their appearance and their emotional availability to others. Men are simply not held to the same pervasive standard, creating a massive vacuum that their female partners are socially conditioned to fill.

The Cost of Emotional Labor

Ultimately, mankeeping is not simply about grooming; it’s about a profound imbalance in relationship dynamics and a deep-seated resistance to fully shared adult responsibilities. When a partner must constantly manage the other’s emotional stability and self-presentation, the relationship ceases to be an equal partnership and becomes a form of custodial care.

The emotional toll of this kind of labor is immense. It fosters resentment, erodes sexual attraction, and, most powerfully, consumes the finite mental and emotional energy a woman needs for her own life, career, and well-being. The speculation raised on The View—that this dynamic is driving women toward singlehood—is a powerful warning shot.

In an era where women are increasingly financially and professionally independent, the calculation for partnership has changed. For a modern woman, the benefit of a relationship must outweigh the cost of the labor required to maintain the man within it. If the price of a partner is the perpetual, exhausting job of being his emotional and aesthetic caretaker, then singlehood becomes the more rational, peaceful, and ultimately empowering choice.

The viral discussion on mankeeping is a global rallying cry for change. It is an urgent call for men to step up and assume full, proactive responsibility for their own lives, moods, appointments, and moisturizers. For women, it is a crucial moment to pause, re-evaluate, and decide where their invaluable emotional energy should be invested—and to ask if the “glow up” they are desperate to achieve is, in fact, their own.